Saturday, May 2, 2015


A Meeting of the Constitutional Freedoms And Rights Taskforce.

Chairman: All right if everyone has a beer now, I would like to call this meeting of the Constitutional Freedoms and Rights Taskforce to order. (Banging gavel) First order of business I guess would be what kind of antics are we planning for the next meeting of the Zoning Board?
Arnie: Objection! I object to the word “antics” and demand it be stricken from the record.
Crazy Dave: We don’t have a record Arnie, and if we did it would be you taking it, seeing as how you’re the Secretary. So strike away, old fellow.
Arnie: What? What’s Dave talking about? When did I get to be the Secretary?
Chairman: You… were unanimously voted Secretary at the last meeting.
Arnie: But I wasn’t at the last meeting!
Crazy Dave: Well Mr. Secretary, that’s why you should attend the meetings.
Professor Pete: Point of Order, Mr. Chairman. Robert’s Rules dictate that each speaker be recognized in turn by the Chair.  And might I suggest we confine our comments to those pertinent to the agenda?
Chairman: OK Pete, duly noted. Let’s take turns talkin’ and please try to confine your comments. Remember what happened at the last meeting.
Crazy Dave: I do not.
Chairman: I don’t doubt that, Dave. Which is why we are going to try to stick to the two beer limit tonight. Yes, Arnie?
Arnie: I refuse to raise my hand for recognition by a Chairman, or any other pseudodictatorial ---
Chairman: Arnie you just raised your hand to say that you refuse to raise your hand.
Arnie: It’s demeaning. I refuse to show my supplication by demonstrating that I am unarmed and helpless with my open palm.
Chair: Well Arnie is there an alternate form of signaling that you would find less oppressive?
Crazy Dave: We could just nod.
Chair: Would that be OK Arnie? Could we all nod like equals? Seeing you are nodding I’ll take that as a yes. All in favor of nodding signify by nodding…Pete you aren’t nodding…
Professor Pete: I would prefer to continue to raise my hand.
Chair: All right all in favor of either nodding or raising your hand signify by nodding or raising your hand. Ok, everyone? Great. Really getting somewhere now.
Crazy Dave: It’s already much better than the last meeting.
Chair: So let’s go on to, let’s call it, “ways we can get our message across” at the next meeting of the zoning board.
Arnie: We should fly the Libertarian Flag. It’s the ultimate symbol of our Constitutional freedom to be free from governmental overreach.
Crazy Dave: What does it look like?
Arnie: It is completely blank, symbolizing our total disdain for pagan symbols, which the government uses to control us, and take away our rights.
Crazy Dave: And our guns.
Arnie: And our guns.
Chair: So… it’s completely white?
Arnie: Yes. It is without the stain of branding or allegiance to any special interests.
Professor Pete: Are you suggesting we arrive carrying a white flag?
Dave: Yeah, that might kind of send the wrong signal.
Pete: Studies show that nothing works better than a simple placard with a sharply worded synopsis of one’s position.
Crazy Dave: A what?
Chair: A sign, Dave.
Crazy Dave: Oh that’s a great idea! I saw one the other day that had a snake holding a shotgun and it said (In deep voice) “Don’t Tread On Me”. We should get one of those.
Arnie: No, our signs should just say End Government Overreach. In red letters.
Crazy Dave: With a snake?
Arnie: No, Dave, not with a snake. That doesn’t make sense. End Government Overreach and then a picture of a snake? It doesn’t make sense.
Crazy Dave: Which is why it has to say: “Don’t Tread On Me”. Everyone knows that means stay away from my constitutionally guaranteed Rights and Freedoms.
Pete: Actually those would both be subject to considerable subjective interpretation. I suggest a slogan that makes reference to the octopus like encroachment of the Military Industrial Complex on the regulations and institutions that govern our everyday lives, and the ever increasing surveillance of American Citizens and other encroachments on our rights and privacies, alongside the inevitable police state that ensures our unwitting compliance to our own enslavement.
Arnie: Oh yeah, that’s pretty snappy.
Crazy Dave: Let me see you fit that on a T shirt.
Arnie: It has to be something short and angry.
Crazy Dave: Like “Don’t Tread On Me”.
Arnie: Nobody says “Tread” anymore.
Crazy Dave: What about a tire tread, dude?
Arnie: That’s totally different. Your Tread means “step”.
Crazy Dave: Yeah, well that’s where the car steps, man.
Pete: Point of Order Mr. Chairman, I think this is a good example of the discussion running away from the Agenda.
Chair: Yeah, OK  I have an idea. Everyone just make his own sign. In fact keep your signs secret until the night of the meeting. Ok? Everyone nodding or raising his hand? Great. Next order of business is, in fact, T shirts. Um here is the box. We just got them from the print shop today. Now we couldn’t fit the entire name on the T shirt, Constitutional Freedom and Rights Task Force is a little long, so we used the acronym. We are the… C-F…A-R-T.
Crazy Dave: C Fart?
Arnie: Oh boy.
Pete: Ill considered acronyms are often a mortal blow to an incipient organization.
Chair: I just have to refer back to the two beer rule here.
Crazy Dave: C-Fart?
Arnie: Why did we use the A for “and”? At least then it would be C-F-R-T. You never give “And” a letter! It’s an insignificant word! You don’t give a letter to “Of” or “The” or..or..”Or”!
Crazy Dave: Or, or, or? I think you’re turning into a seal over there, Arnie.
Arnie: I’m going to seal your lips.
Crazy Dave: Maybe you “otter” consider your words more carefully.
Arnie: So help me, Dave I have Mindy’s number on speed dial and I will have her down here so fast…
Crazy Dave: Hey! Not cool! The bro code, man.
Pete: Point of Order, Mr. Chairman…
Chair: You know we could just run with this thing. How about C-FART: Silent But Deadly?
Crazy Dave: But we aren’t silent.
Pete: Perhaps Invisible Yet Potent?
Arnie: Are we seriously trying to spin this? Well I’m out of here. I have to go back to work and punch out anyway. Here, give me one of those shirts. I’ll see you losers at the Zoning meeting.
Chair: OK, good meeting, good meeting. All in favor of making Arnie the Chairman for the next meeting nod or raise your hand… unanimous? OK, and this meeting is adjourned.

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